Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley

Rating: 9/10
Published: 3rd October 2014
Publisher: Mira Ink
Pages: 368
Synopsis from Goodreads: It's 1959. The battle for civil rights is raging. And it's Sarah Dunbar's first day of school, as one of the first black students at the previously all-white Jefferson High. No one wants Sarah there. Not the Governor. Not the teachers. And certainly not the students – especially Linda Hairston, daughter of the town’s most ardent segregationist. Sarah and Linda have every reason to despise each other. But as a school project forces them to spend time together, the less their differences seem to matter. And Sarah and Linda start to feel something they've never felt before. Something they're both determined ignore. Because it's one thing to be frightened by the world around you - and another thing altogether when you're terrified of what you feel inside.

Before even starting this book I knew it would be wonderful, it came highly recommended and every single time I mentioned it someone would say "Ah it's amazing!!" which is always a good sign. Also, I know you aren't meant judge a book by it's cover or whatever but when said cover has the quote "Even though she's a girl, even though she's coloured, I want to keep kissing Sarah forever." on it I reckon you're allowed to, right? I certainly did anyway, and I judged correctly because it was everything that I have ever needed from a book ever.

It follows the story of two girls in high school in America during the late 1950s, Sarah is one of the first black students to integrate into a previously all-white school whilst Linda is the daughter of a powerful man who is fighting to maintain segregation. Neither of them want to have anything to do with each other and they would both much rather things went back to the way they were before, despite the conditions of Sarah's previous school being much worse, the aggression that she and her friends must face everyday makes her wish she could go back, but she knows how important their perseverance is for all of their community.
Somehow Linda and Sarah end up working on a school project together, spending more time with each other than they would like, they spend their afternoons arguing about pretty much everything but gradually they both begin to change. Linda in particular starts to see that things aren't quite a clear-cut as her father has been telling her for her whole life and it's interesting to read her side of things - she has so many ideas about the way life "should" be and the way she makes excuses for how Sarah is "different to all the other black people" simply because she is intelligent is just, well, shocking really. Everything that Linda has been brought up and brainwashed into thinking about people of colour is truly irrational and ridiculous and it made me so so angry! Particularly so because whilst reading this you know that this isn't just a story, this happened and is continuing to happen to a certain extent to this day.

The way in which Lies We Tell Ourselves deals with the harsh reality of the racial issues whilst combining this with the story of two girls developing feelings for each other and realising they're not "normal" by their societies' terms is truly brilliant. Without spoiling completely, I just want to also express how much I loved that this wasn't all about coming out and being welcomed by your family or anything, it's somehow more subtle than that and it dealt with sexuality in a different way to most of the books that I've read before which I found quite refreshing.

Lies We Tell Ourselves was a wonderfully honest and diverse novel that I truly loved.

2016 : My year in books

So, here we are at the end of 2016, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster hasn't it! I'm pretending I'm okay with how quickly December 31st has come around!

In April of this year I started this blog and began my adventure into the bookish community. Although I've not posted as much as perhaps I would have liked to, coming into this community and being welcomed and supported by so many amazing people has been wonderful and I want to say a big thank you to everyone who's spoken to me in the last few months. Here's a big internet hug to all of you bookish pals.

So anyway, here's my wrap up for this year, my first year in books!

My five favourite reads this year

The Art of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson - Dealing with gender, this has 100% taken my heart and the top spot as my favourite read of this year!! I can't put into to words how much I adored it but it was heart wrenching, educational and just so so beautiful! Please read it!!

When We Collided by Emery Lord - A fab book about loss and mental illness with a beautiful cover. It's a thoroughly enjoyable read with wonderful character's who you'll definitely fall in love with.

Under Rose-Tainted Skies by Louise Gornall - An honest account about agoraphobia, an illness I knew little about before reading this. This book has an amazing storyline, fabulous characters as well as raising awareness about mental illness which is something (obviously) very close to my heart.

Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley - Woah f/f relationship in 1950s America between one of the first black girls in a previously all white school and the daughter of a man who is fighting integration!? This book is all I was looking for and more I absolutely adored it! A great book if you're looking for something with diversity.

Illuminae by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff - If somehow you've managed to miss all of the excitement about this book in the last few months let me tell you right now that you have got read it!! I can't even begin to describe what makes this book so amazing but it is art.

A book that's been on my TBR since January and I still haven't read

Dracula by Bram Stoker - To be quiet honest it's been on my TBR for years now, but hopefully in the new year I'll finally start it! It's a classic and having read so many vamp books when I was about 13 it seems only right that I should read the original!

A book I didn't enjoy as much as everyone else

Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella - read my review for more but this book does not do justice to the issues faced by people with anxiety and in case you weren't already aware mental illness is not magically fixed by meeting a boy!!! I'm a bit apprehensive that people may read it and think that anxiety is as simple as that and a super quick fix when it isn't, but hopefully that won't be the case.

A book I wish I'd had chance to read

Faceless by Alyssa Sheinmel - The concept of this story (which is about a girl who receives a face transplant) intrigues me and I'm hoping all be able to get around to it quite quickly in the new year.

Books I'm looking forward to the most in 2017

Honestly I think this year is going to be so good for reading! A couple that I'm particularly excited about are It's Not Like It's a Secret by Misa Sugiura and The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas. I'm aiming to read lots and lots of books that are as diverse as possible, and there seem to be more and more being published so I'm really excited for what the next year is going to bring!

So there it is, my year in books! Thank you for reading and to everyone who's made me feel so welcome this year- here's to another great year of reading next year!

Under Rose-Tainted Skies by Louise Gornall

Rating: 9/10
Published: 7th July 2016
Publisher: Chicken House
Pages: 272
Synopsis from Goodreads: Agoraphobia confines Norah to the house she shares with her mother.

For her, the outside is sky glimpsed through glass, or a gauntlet to run between home and car. But a chance encounter on the doorstep changes everything: Luke, her new neighbour. Norah is determined to be the girl she thinks Luke deserves: a ‘normal’ girl, her skies unfiltered by the lens of mental illness. Instead, her love and bravery opens a window to unexpected truths …

An important and uplifting debut from a British author, which tackles mental health issues such as agoraphobia and OCD.

As someone who is battling mental illness and isn't afraid to discuss it, reading a book as honest and heart-wenching as this is a pure joy. Under Rose-Tainted Skies truly manages to find the balance between a beautiful storyline and a painfully truthful depiction of life with mental illness. I went into this book with little knowledge about agoraphobia, despite being someone who strives to raise awareness about mental health issues, but the way in which Gornall describes Norah's struggles with both agoraphobia and OCD left me feeling a great deal more aware (and who doesn't love a book where they learn stuff right!?). Although I can't relate directly to the illness-specific issues which Norah faces in this book, the experiences of panic which are described are something that I can sympathise with. I struggle to understand how someone can manage to explain such an experience within a novel but Louise Gornall does it and she does it so well! It's a truly honest insight into what panic attacks can be like and I hope that everyone who reads this will go away with more understanding about what it is like to experience one (because they don't teach you that stuff in school and it's really important for people to understand!).

The main character Norah is a teen who is dependent on the Internet as her access to the world outside of her room. She only leaves the house to visit her therapist and even this is a huge struggle for her. As we meet her she has just seen that she has a new neighbour, called Luke, she is immediately curious about him but it's incredibly difficult to meet someone when you have the problems that she does. Gradually Luke manages to work his way into Norah's life, despite the huge number of doubts which Norah experiences, and Norah is left to consider factors that she's never needed to give any thought to before now.
It has been quite sometime since I have encountered a character that I love as much Norah, she is so incredibly strong and despite all of the enormous problems that she faces daily she continues to fight. Reading about her courage and bravery throughout Under Rose-Tainted Skies has truly inspired me with my own struggles.

The highlight of this book for me is the fact that this isn't just a book about a girl with mental illness who meets a boy and is suddenly able to overcome the issues which have been controlling her life for years. It's a book about the struggles that come with trying to have relationships, platonic or otherwise, when you are battling mental illness, the difficulties that you face constantly within your own mind which do not go away when you meet someone new, regardless of how intriguing and exciting they are. A concept that it is so important for society to understand.

This book was an absolute joy to read, I whizzed through it eager to see what would happen next and I was never disappointed! Under Rose-Tainted Skies is a beautifully sincere depiction of agoraphobia but it is also so much more than that, it's an amazing book with an amazing storyline and characters that you will definitely fall in love with (Norah's mum is my absolute fave!). I cannot wait to see what Louise Gornall has got to come if this debut is anything to go by. Fantastic!

Asexuality 101

A beginners guide to being asexual, common misconceptions and things never to say to an asexual.

The asexual flag.

Firstly I must start this post with a disclaimer- this is all based upon my own knowledge and experience, if anyone reads this and thinks I'm incorrect on anything then please do let me know. I will use the terms 'asexual' and 'ace' interchangeably in case you wonder what I'm on about and I'm adding a potential trigger warning here just in case because I will be mentioning sex and similar throughout (not graphically so).

By definition asexuality is quite simply a lack of sexual attraction towards other people, this is often seen as being on three different 'levels': sex positive, sex neutral and sex repulsed. It is up to the individual to decide whether they choose to place themselves on one of these or not. I identify as sex repulsed meaning that the idea of having sex makes me feel really uncomfortable and it is not something that I have any desire to experience any time soon, but I'm just one person and this isn't the same for everyone who identifies as ace.

Being asexual does not mean that you are against having sex; that you have no libido nor does it mean that you do not or will not ever have sex.
Asexuals are fully capable of feeling aroused and experiencing pleasure and enjoyment through sexual encounters because we are humans too. It purely relates to the act of sexual attraction towards others, not the natural functioning of the human body!

Asexuals are fully capable of being in successful romantic (and sexual) relationships just like everybody else and their romantic attraction is a separate thing. A quick side note: romantic attraction is seeing others as potential romantic partners, this does not necessarily mean wanting to have sex with them; some people do not experience romantic attraction (this is known as being aromantic) and some asexuals identify as this too (often shortened to aro ace), but the two things do not always go hand in hand. It is very important to remember that romantic relationships can be successful without sex and that relationships should not dependent on the presence of sex or similar.

Sexuality and asexuality are viewed as being on two ends of a spectrum, anywhere between the two 'poles' is known as grey asexuality (sometimes shortened to grey-A or grey ace); this is where people experience sexual attraction sometimes but not always, it can vary from very rarely experiencing it to experiencing most of the time and only occasionally not doing so.
Another branch of asexuality is demisexuality, this is when someone only experiences sexual attraction when they develop a close emotional bond with a person. So they do not initially see someone as sexually attractive, it is a feeling that only comes with time.

To end this post, here are some misconceptions about asexuality which I have encountered and things that I would warn you never to say to an ace person:

• "Asexuals can only date other asexuals." NOPE any loving and accepting person will respect you for who you are sex or no sex (and this stands for whether you are ace or not). Never let anybody convince you that being asexual is a problem or that it makes you undateable. It does not! People who say these things are not worth your time, your sexuality is valid!
• "Oh so you're asexual, does that mean you're a virgin?" Back off pal, not experiencing sexual attraction does not give others the right to ask you personal questions just because they're nosey!
• "You're just confused, once you have sex you'll change your mind." Please just stop right there, it's offensive and as I've said the sex isn't the thing that makes you ace in the first place so just no. Also, I was confused as hell about who I was before I learnt about asexuality and I have come so far in accepting myself since then, all because I could finally understand that I wasn't alone and that it isn't something wrong with me.
• If someone tells you that they are asexual please do not try and 'make them feel better' with an anecdote such as "Oh don't worry, me and my boyfriend don't have sex every time we meet up." (yes, someone actually said this to me), we do not need comforting! Being asexual is not a bad thing, it just means you are different and that's cool! And also, I mean, what does that story even have to do with anything?

So in summary (or in case you can't be bothered to read all that):

• asexuals are individuals who do not experience sexual attraction
• we are fully capable of being in relationships and being ace does not mean that we won't have sex (that's dependent on the person)
• we don't always like being asked personal questions and our asexuality is not a reason to let you interrogate us
• asexuality is real and it does not need fixing!!! 

And there we have it, my complete ramblings, an asexuality 101. I really hope this is helpful and educates people and if you have any questions or you feel I've not explained something well enough let me know and I'll be very happy to chat things through.

Finding Audrey by Sophie Kinsella

Rating: 5/10

Upon starting this book I was apprehensive, I picked it up from the local library on a whim. I had previously looked at it and been somewhat put off by the fact that it sounds like a girl who's mental illness is "fixed" when she meets a boy- something which is quite obviously both offensive and frustrating because it is not that simple! To a certain extent my initial thoughts were proven to be true but I did enjoy Finding Audrey more that I thought I would.

It follows the life of Audrey who is struggling with anxiety disorders and depressive episodes, she left school following an incident (which we never really get to understand) with several classmates which lead to a breakdown. When we meet her she only leaves the house to go to see her therapist and she wears dark sunglasses at all times to avoid eye contact. Audrey's progress in recovery improves when she meets a friend of her brother, named Linus, he challenges her to face her issues and encourages her along the way. Of course, mental health recovery is a difficult journey and as far as Audrey is concerned she has lots of other problems to deal with, not just regarding her mental health but with all aspects of her life.

The book is split between first person narrative and extracts of screen plays from recordings that Dr Sarah, Audrey's therapist, has asked her to make of her life. It focuses a great deal on her family- both parents and two brothers- and the goings on in their home. Somewhat, I think to the detriment of actually getting to know what Audrey herself is like, we get an insight into her family home and the tensions there. There is a lot description of the discussions between her older brother and her mum, who believes he spends too much time on computers (because the Daily Mail told her so) and it almost feels as though they are the forefront of the story, which isn't what I expected but does result in some very entertaining scenes.

I did enjoy this book but I feel that it lacks something that many other books covering the topic of mental illness have managed to grasp. Audrey is suddenly able to overcome her social anxiety when Linus challenges her to do something, even though she had only been making slow progress before meeting him which, as I mentioned, is so annoying and unrealistic! It was a fun read, it did make me laugh, and the development of family dynamics was a joy, but Finding Audrey failed to deliver on the area of mental health issues, which was the main purpose of the book in the first place!

Overall I would recommend Finding Audrey if you're looking for something quick and fun to read this summer but don't expect to come out of it feeling as though you are enlightened on what life with anxiety disorders is like, because it truly does not give as much insight as it could have done. An enjoyable book that, sadly, didn't quite fill the criteria that I was looking for.

When We Collided by Emery Lord

Rating: 9/10

I picked up this book at the same time as The Art of Being Normal from the "buy one get one half price" section in Waterstones, I knew I wanted TAOBN but I couldn't choose which of the others to pick, there were far too many that I wanted (we've all been in this position though, let's be honest)! Anyway, I finally decided to go with the one I had first laid hands on and there we were, two phenomenal books had been added to my bookshelf.

When We Collided is a heartwrenchingly accurate and beautifully written book which follows the story, through alternating first-person narrative chapters, of two characters and their lives in the small town of Verona Cove. Seventeen year-old Jonah, who lost his dad six months ago and is trying to look after his siblings whilst his mum battles depression in the room upstairs. And Vivi, a whirlwind of a girl who moved into town for the summer, leaving her friends and home behind her after things turned very messy (that's as much as I can stay whilst being, mostly, spoiler free!).

Their lives are drastically changed by each other, as Vivi brings laughter into the home of Jonah and his five siblings for the first time in months. But it becomes evident that Vivi is not quite as happy and together as it may initially seem. She is battling her own issues, trying to get to grips with who she really is and understanding the diagnosis she has been given and what that means for her. 

There are so many twists and turns in this novel, it took off in ways I never imagined before I opened it and you truly will feel every single emotion whilst reading it.

Lord has written these two intertwining stories so fabulously, looking at mental health related problems both from the side of the family member and the sufferer themselves. The descriptions of mental health which are given are so truthful and the way in which these people's lives are affected is honest and not sugar coated or dramatised in the way that you so often see in media. As someone who has first hand knowledge of what it is like to be in some of the dark places mentioned in this book I found it really encouraging to see it written so well.

This is a perfectly written story that includes all of the excitement and joy of new found love whilst documenting the darkness which comes alongside mental health and the ways in which all of these aspects interlink. A truly beautiful story that people who have experienced mental distress will relate to but which will also provide educational insight into what these issues are like.

Read it! It's wonderful!

End note: One other thing that made When We Collided so special for me is that it included a couple of off-hand mentions about non-heterosexual couples! Just a little remarks (e.g. that one of the female characters has a wife) which just sneak in a little bit of equality where the author could so easily not have done so. It's just a tiny thing that makes me even more in love with this fantastic book!

The Art of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson

Rating : 10/10
A short summary of my reaction to this book would be:

I was so unbelievably excited when I wandered down to Waterstones after a big coursework deadline to finally reward myself with The Art of Being Normal. I had heard such good things about it and oh my was I not disappointed!

The plot follows the lives of two guys: Leo who is new the new kid at Eden Park School, trying his best to go unnoticed, and David who is struggling with identity, knowing deep down that he is a girl, but not really being sure what to do next. One day Leo stands up for David in a fight, and a friendship slowly develops between them. Leo is a mystery and rumours are flying about as to whether or not he was expelled from Cloverdale, a school which is renown for being a great deal more rough than Eden Park. Everyone wants to know who he is and what he's doing there, even though barely anyone has even tried to talk to him. Slowly, as is the way in high school, a great many secrets work their way out of the woodwork and the truth is revealed.

The Art of Being Normal has it ALL, I laughed at the characters being dorks, I squealed as the story twisted in ways I wasn't quite expecting, my heart broke and mended itself over and over but most importantly I loved every single word of it. There aren't that many books out there featuring trans people, but The Art of Being Normal covers the area so well whilst still giving the characters a chance to shine as individuals. Struggling with gender identity is tough but this book also focuses on issues that everyone has to deal with at some point regardless of their gender and it is that which makes this book so special. It isn't just a book about a boy who wants to be a girl, it's a book about two people who are struggling to come to terms with every aspect of themselves, leaning, somewhat reluctantly, on each other for support and that is so damn beautiful.

Read this book. I insist! Everybody should experience the spectacularly sensitive and enlightening way that Williams gives insight into the troubles faced by trans individuals, a topic that is not given enough time, whilst creating a story which is an absolute joy to read. Go, right away, read it!!