Hey, hi, hello, how are you? Don't get your hopes up for a bookish post I just need a space to let thoughts out of my head, I hope that's okay with you!
So in a nutshell in the last month I have: a) quit my horrible job at the cinema b) started a new job as a research assistant in children's mental health c) moved into a little room in a house share in North London. Safe to say it's been a wild ride, but I suppose this is so-called "adulthood".
I don't want to turn this into a "woe is me" post because, I'll be honest, my new job is the closest I can get to what I want to be doing long term without further education and I have NO idea how I managed to get it! Everyone there seems lovely so far and I feel like I fit in as well as I can for someone who doesn't really know what's going on (I'm sure that will come with time). Also my house is walking distance from work and filled with lovely Christian and mostly LGB+ women who have all been so friendly to me so far!
It's ridiculous to think really that somehow me, the kid with the messy brain, has managed to pull this off, if I was ever looking for evidence that I'm stronger it's this!
But I'm... three working days in to living here (having commuted last week too) and I'll admit I'm already struggling with what to do with myself. It's great being this close to work but I don't have hobbies or friends and I don't know how to find them...
That's my current problem, because I am very scared of isolating myself and ending up in a spiral, my housemates all seem to be out until 9pm and I need to be asleep before 11pm, and between coming home from work around 5.45 and going to sleep... I don't know what to do.
The glaringly obvious thing I would think you, dear (probably) bookish reader, are wanting to suggest is that I get myself involved in book stuff! London is, as many of you will agree, pretty much the place to be for book things and I'm sure I could make book friends in no time. But uh, there's the issue that I haven't finished a book in 2 months and have only read... maybe 5 books this year, two of which were graphic novels. It seems the reading me has left, never to be seen again and I wish I could find her because I would love to find passion in pages again.
But yes, I don't feel able to turn up to book events for this reason, I also have no idea what's come out and what hasn't in this year and I feel so royally out of touch that it hurts my heart a bit :(
I want to get to know new people and see the things that this city has to offer, but I'm hyper aware of the risks of being a small, young woman in a city where there's no one to ring in an emergency. I'm sure once I find a church I'll meet people through that, but I do still struggle with getting past that first stage of acquaintance into asking a person you want to get to know if they want coffee and a chat. And I also probably won't be going to church nearby this weekend as I'll be away, so that gives me another week having not met anyone new...
I just don't know what to do friends!! I'm going around in circles, I want to be happy and celebrate my new job, I don't want to focus on the fact that I'm pretty much alone and I feel too small for that, but I also want to push myself and have places to be that aren't my tiny room or just an overpriced gym that I haven't psyched myself up to pay for yet!
Perhaps I can force myself back into books because that's where I've found myself get on with people the best, but I just don't know how to start...
Anyway that's my biannual vent over with, if you have thoughts/helpful things to say please comment or dm me on Twitter. Much love, hopefully I find something fun to write about soon xox
