Mental Health Book Bingo TBR

The MH Book Bingo is almost upon us and I am super duper excited! First things first, if you have no idea what I'm on about please make sure you've read my announcement post 😊
I meant to upload this post quite a while ago but as usual life got in the way so I'm only just getting around to it, here is what I intend to read for the bingo!

Because January is The Month Of Exams™ I'm not sure if I'm going to get a full bingo but here are the books I am currently planning to read in the month and the categories which I'm using them for as well as some others which I (over)ambitiously hope to get around to at the same time. Other categories for books I am reading are in italics in case people are looking for ones to fill a gap

My main five choices:
The Shock of the Fall by Nathan Filer - Delusions/hallucinations rep
Countless by Karen Gregory - ED rep
Under Rose-Tainted Skies by Louise Gornall - MC with 2+ MI's; Agoraphobia rep (ownvoices); romance with MC with MI
10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac - LGBT+ MC with MI; Anxiety rep
The Skeleton Cupboard by Tanya Byron - Nonfiction about MI

Others I hope to find time for:
Cheer Up, Love by Susan Calman - Memoir about MI
Postcards from the Edge by Carrie Fisher - Bipolar disorder rep (ownvoices)
Asking For It by Louise O'Neill - Depression rep/free space

Let me know if you're also planning to get involved in #MHBookBingo and if you need any requests then please drop me a comment or tweet me or the @BingoMH account! I'm so excited about doing this readathon now and I can't wait to read more mental health books with everyone!

2017 : My year in books

It seems pretty wild to me that I'm already writing my second-ever yearly wrap up?! How have I had this blog for that long already, I still feel like a complete newbie but hey here we are.
2017 has been a wonderful bookish year! I went to YALC for the first time (which was so much fun) I doubled my reading challenge from last year - and met it!! Not to mention getting to know a lot more wonderful bloggers and booky people 😄
So a big thank you to everyone who has chatted to me throughout this year, I hope you the new year brings you many blessings and I appreciate you SO much.

Top Five of the Year:

Unconventional by Maggie Harcourt - I cannot put in to words how much I just really loved this book?!? Heck, it was just like the perfect fit? You know like, when a book just comes at the right time for the place that you're in in your life and provides you with a beautiful happy escape? That's what Unconventional did for me! It's not the kind of book I would usually give 5 stars to but I DID and it is so deserving of them!! (Going to stop raving know bc I've already reviewed this properly and I should chill out)

Girlhood by Cat Clarke - This book is deep as heck and I think it dealt with some difficult issues pretty well. It also has a bi main character and a gay supporting character (if I remember correctly) which y'know I am always a fan of 😍

A Quiet Kind of Thunder by Sara Barnard - I also read Beautiful Broken Things this year which I also loved by AQKOT wins out because it's just so good!! A well researched insight in to selective mutism and a little bit of deaf culture too I loved it; I'm on the committee for the sign language society at my uni and this book actually encouraged me to go for the position because deaf awareness is really under-represented but also so important so ye! Read it if you haven't already!

The Foxhole Court (and the whole All for the Game series😎) by Nora Sakavic - This was recommended to me by a friend who said it was honestly one of the best/most painful-in-a-good-way series and I was not disappointed! A beautifully broken and annoying yet precious set of characters and lots of diversity! It's a slow burn but I promise you it's worth a try!!

Moxie by Jennifer Mathieu - This book was just really really good, it's such an encouraging feminist read!! I related so much to almost all of Viv's experiences in her school and I wish I was a bit more like her tbh! Honestly well worth reading - SO GOOD.

"Oh I'll finally get around to this in 2017!" - a book I meant to read but never did:

The Wrath and the Dawn by Renee Ahdieh - Has been recommend to me so highly but loads and loads of people and I finally managed to get hold of a copy a month or so ago so I am determined that this year I actually will read it!

A book I didn't like as much as I anticipated:

The Sun is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon - it's not that I didn't like this book, it's got some really nice diverse main characters and I loved that, I think maybe just because the genre wasn't what I would always go for and it had so much hype that maybe I expected to really love it even though it wasn't really purely my kind of book. I don't know but it's definitely still good (and that cover 😍).

So there you have it, a quick wrap up of the past year; I read 40 books which is twice as many as the year before and I'm super excited to see what reads 2018 will bring!

What was your top book of the year? Any particular books you're really looking forward to next year? Let me know in a comment below; I hope you have a wonderful New Year and thanks so much for reading ❤️

Mental Health Mondays #16 : Festive Special 🎄

Welcome to my extra-special festive Mental Health Monday! In this post I want to focus a little bit on Christmas and mental health and what it means to me. As always, this post is based upon my experience and I'm not trying to put forward any views other than my own so please take that into account as you read - Thanks!

'It's the most wonderful time of the year', it's a time for celebrating; spending time with loved ones and generally enjoying yourself. However, it's unfortunately not quite as simple as "It's Christmas lets put all our troubles away and just enjoy ourselves!" for those of us with mental health conditions. There's usually a lot going on, there are lots of responsibilities and expectations on you and as well as being expected to buy loads of presents and wrap things and cook for 99 people, or whatever your Christmas set up is, you're supposed to put on a big smile and be sociable and cheery regardless of anything else that's going on!

Mental Health Mondays #15 : Progress

So firstly I want to sincerely apologise for the severe lack of MHMs in the last few weeks. I don't have an excuse, they just haven't happened. I guess that I temporarily lost motivation and I couldn't for the life of me think of anything at all that I could say that anyone would find of interest. Anyway here we are and now I'm back so, hello!

If you've read the last MHM post What Now? you'll know I've been a pretty confused and conflicted about where I am and what to do but things appear to be looking in my favour at last 😌

BLOG TOUR: Dark Chapter by Winnie M Li

Rating:

Published: 1st November 2017
Publisher: Legend Press
Pages: 390
Synopsis from Goodreads:
Vivian is a cosmopolitan Taiwanese-American tourist who often escapes her busy life in London through adventure and travel. Johnny is a 15-year-old Irish teenager, living a neglected life on the margins of society.
On a bright spring afternoon in West Belfast, their paths collide during a horrifying act of violence.
In the aftermath, each is forced to confront the chain of events that led to the attack.
Inspired by true events, this is a story of the dark chapters and chance encounters that can irrevocably determine the shape of our lives


First things first I want to say a BIG thank you to Legend Press for asking me to take part in this blog tour and for providing me with a copy of Dark Chapter for review. I'm super grateful and this has no way effected the review that I'm giving!

Dark Chapter is intriguing from the outset and I immediately felt drawn in to the story, Li has a very interesting writing style which is somehow just painstakingly simple and yet perfect for this kind of plot. I'll admit that at some points the book was challenging to read because of the topic of the story but rape is something which needs to be spoken about and the blatant honesty of this book, based upon the author's own experience, found, what I think is, a really good way to talk about this issue.

One of the things which I loved most about this book is that it shows realistic representation of the consequences which rape can have upon someone's life and it demonstrates how slow and bumpy the road towards recovery can be whilst also showing that stuff can get easier over time. Further to this, Dark Chapter also focuses on the incredible strength of a vulnerable woman and her determination to see her case through to justice whilst battling so hard to try and recover is really empowering!

The psychology student in me loves the way that Li describes the process from Johnny's point of view in a way that doesn't justify the horrific acts which he committed but highlights how his upbringing and the influence of other males in his life, unsurprisingly resulted in views of women that are completely twisted and made an attack like this acceptable in his eyes. It's disgusting but it's also an interesting side of the story to read about and kept making me more and more frustrated throughout, because those ingrained thoughts are really damaging to everyone!

I don't think I've read a book, at least this year, where I was rooting for the main character so hard! I so passionately wanted justice for Vivian because she was going through so much turmoil and yet she kept on pushing forward - found myself regularly grumbling and yelling at the book when things weren't going in the way that I wanted them to! But most importantly, it was encouraging to read about such strength in such a difficult situation.

Dark Chapter is different to the books that would usually I go for but it was super enlightening and I think it's important for books like this to exist and discuss rape with such honesty. It's totally deserving of it's title as Not the Booker prize winner 2017 and I really hope that it is read by many and helps to educate lots of people.

It's dark, it's fast paced and most importantly it's unflinching in it's honesty so you should definitely get your hands on a copy of Dark Chapter and have a read.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Mental Health Book Bingo!

It gives me great pleasure to let you all know that in January 2018 myself and some bloggy pals are launching a shiny new readathon of Mental Health related books!

The idea was put forward by the wonderful Wendy @ whatthelog and was inspired by other bingo readathons like Asian Lit Bingo. I feel absolutely honoured to have been asked to take part in this and we've got some good things planned so I'd love it if y'all could take part!

Your Hosts:

Wendy @ whatthelog

Christine @ the story salve

Inge @ Of Wonderland

Laura @ Green Tea & Paperbacks

Ayah @ DystopianCitzn

Kav @ xreadingsolacex

Me!

Mental Health Mondays #14 : What now?

This post is going to be a personal one because I need to process my thoughts surrounding a problem that I'm facing. I'm not quite sure of any other way to do it than to write it here and hope that readers don't find it too boring!

As you may know if you've read any of my previous MHM posts, in May I started seeing a clinical psychologist. This was an appointment which I had been waiting for for seven months so when it finally came around and my psychologist said he would see me regularly I was grateful that all my patience had paid off and I'd finally get some help, after trying almost every other available option.

There's Someone Inside Your House by Stephanie Perkins

Rating:

Published: 5th October 2017
Publisher: Pan Macmillan
Pages: 320
Synopsis from Goodreads:
Scream meets YA in this hotly-anticipated new novel from the bestselling author of Anna and the French Kiss.
One-by-one, the students of Osborne High are dying in a series of gruesome murders, each with increasing and grotesque flair. As the terror grows closer and the hunt intensifies for the killer, the dark secrets among them must finally be confronted.
International bestselling author Stephanie Perkins returns with a fresh take on the classic teen slasher story that’s fun, quick-witted, and completely impossible to put down. 

Disclaimer: Before I start this post I just want to say that although I will try my hardest to give a review which is spoiler-free, due to the nature of the story there may be some small spoilers in here! So if you want to go into the book with no preconceptions I suggest that you don't read any further than this point for your own peace of mind!


Horror YA romance was always going to be an interesting mixture, so when I picked up a proof of this at YALC I was certain that I'd need to keep an open mind throughout! I haven't ever read a book by Stephanie Perkins before so I can't make direct comparison but I know that this is very different, largely because I imagine most of the others don't have lots of murder in!
I'll admit that I am quite a wimp when it comes to horror/thriller books so I haven't read a huge number and I've seen several reviews saying that people didn't find this terrifying enough for them but personally I think it had enough scary bits and gruesomeness to keep me satisfied! It definitely isn't the scariest book that I've ever read and possibly a bit more suspense would have made it better but it is by no means PG either.

Makani was an interesting main character and learning about her past as well as her current friendship group was something that I really enjoyed and as a group they were quite diverse which is always something I welcome! I also loved Grandma Young as a character too she was good fun and I thought she was brilliant!

Unfortunately I didn't feel like the book gave me enough mystery and the 'reveal' came at kind of a weird point in the plot too which I kind of struggled to get my head around, I suppose this may come from the fact that it's Perkins' first book in this area, or maybe it's just me being too obsessed with Midsomer Murders and being too picky!

The romance between Makani and Ollie was quite fun to read about and it was equally interesting to learn more about Ollie's character but I'm not entirely convinced that it really fitted with all of the gore at the same time? It's the sort of thing that may have made more sense if it was on screen rather than in a book? But I'm really not sure because I can be very picky with my romance anyway!

Overall, There's Someone Inside Your House was a different book to anything which I've read before, it had interesting characters and enough horror-ness to keep me happy! The romance was a bit strange and I don't know if YA Horror Romance is something I would seek out again but it is definitely worth you giving it a try!

Have you read There's Someone Inside Your House? Or any other books by Stephanie Perkins that you think I may enjoy? Let me know any of your thoughts in the comments below!

Mental Health Mondays #13 : Question Box Two

So my question box is back and I'm still very excited that people have actually asked me things so I'm just going to jump straight in to answering another three of your questions:

I have lost all enjoyment in my passions. How do I stay motivated whilst stuck in my depression?

I struggle with this a lot myself and often it is something that you may have to, unfortunately, just ride out, at least to a certain extent. The only thing I can really suggest is that you possibly try doing whatever your 'passion' is for a short amount of time? Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't but you may find that if you kind of force yourself to do it even for as little as 15 minutes then after that time you'll feel more motivated? You may also find that it just makes you feel absolutely exhausted and you have to be prepared that it could go either way but at least you have managed to achieve something even if it's small, right?! That's what I always try to do anyway 😊

When did you first realise that you had a mental health condition?

I think it was a gradual process of realisation so I'm not entirely sure, but I do remember the first time I told a close friend that I thought I needed some help and that was around February of 2015. At that point I was definitely engaging in a lot of negative behaviours and had been for at least 6 months, so to be honest, looking back I don't see how I didn't realise sooner. After realising that perhaps a lot of my experiences were, shall we say, Not Good, it then gradually occurred to me that there had been factors which were quite possibly mental health related dating back to when I was as young as 12/13 so yeah, it took me a long time to figure out what was going on...

Do you think it's a good idea to tell people you work with if you're taking antidepressants?

I can't give a definitive answer to this because a) I'm not on antidepressants nor am I currently employed b) it would depend greatly on your workplace etc. but I'll give you my general thoughts on this. I think if you work somewhere that it is required for you to disclose any medications you're taking (I'm not entirely sure how often this happens) then you shouldn't lie about it I suppose. But I also believe that you have a right to not disclose such personal information about yourself unless you believe that it will be helpful to you.
Personally I would think that if you're taking them, they're working for you, and both the ADs and your general MH are not having a negative effect on your ability to work then you are certainly 'allowed' not to tell people. However, if you'd feel better for being honest then I guess you can tell people? It depends really on who you are and whether you feel honesty is better or whether you fear people may treat you differently if they know you take antidepressants (which shouldn't be the case but may well be because people are annoying). So basically, do what feels best for you! Taking ADs is nothing to be ashamed of, it's doing what feels the most sensible for your situation that is important.

That's it for this month's question box feature check out last months here and if you have any questions that you'd like me to answer in the next month's post then please follow this link so you can leave your questions (I need more if I'm going to write another post so please ask anything you'd like!). Thanks so much for reading!

Mental Health Mondays #12 : Mental Health and Messenger

This week I just want to write a short post giving you something to think about when talking online to a friend who you know suffers from mental health issues. As always, this is just something that I find difficult and that may well be the case for many others but I can't vouch for it being the same for everyone.

What I want to discuss is how to be sensitive to your friend's wellbeing when you need someone to vent to, specifically through messaging platforms e.g Facebook. I know that it can be really difficult when you've had something happen, you're mega stressed or you just really need your friend's opinion about something not to just jump head first into an online rant at them, but when your friend is something who struggles with mental health issues it's important to try and check in with them before you do so. A simple "Is it alright if I chat to you about something?" or a "How are you, I need your thoughts :)" is sufficient enough to give them a chance to say "I'm really sorry I don't feel good I'm not sure I can be much help right now." because regardless of how bad your day has been you don't want to make your friend feel more unwell without realising it - right?

Personally, it's not that I don't want to help out my friends, but on numerous occasions I've been struggling hugely with my own thoughts etc and then had people offload on me without even a real hello and it make things really difficult. Also, not only is it difficult for the individual who is receiving the message but chances are they won't be able to really reply and help you out that much either if they aren't in a good state of mind so it isn't that beneficial for either party!

In my opinion, this is a really easy thing to change to ensure that you're looking after your friend and showing them you value them and that it's important to you that they're comfortable with the conversations you have.

The other thing that you may want to consider is the time of your message, I for one have times which I determine "not good" mostly anytime after midnight and before about 5am. Some people may not have the same nighttime triggers that I do but it's worth checking that if you know your friend isn't a night person (or indeed if there is a different time the aren't good with) that you don't dump stuff on them when you know they're about to sleep, or if you really need to chat just apologise to them beforehand and let them know that is is okay if they can't talk right now.

I know that these two things won't be applicable to every single situation and there will be times that the conversation just can't wait, for your sake or your friend's, but it is definitely worth considering next time you find yourself worked up and looking to turn to someone for guidance.

Do you agree with what I've said? Or do you think I'm being too selfish and we should just grin and bear it for our friends? I want to know so leave me a comment!

Mental Health Mondays #11 : Question Box One

I'm very excited to write this post as it's the first one using questions from my online question box! Thank you to everyone who has submitted something, if your question isn't answered as one of the three I'm choosing for this week it'll more than likely be in next month's post as I'm hoping to use the first Monday of the month for this purpose (depending on the number of submissions I receive).

Question One: What do you find is the worst symptom of depression for you personally? Or alternatively, the most misunderstood?

In terms of the worst symptom I'd have to say that it varies depending on the episode for me as sometimes some things are worse to deal with than others. But one that frustrates me and I think can often be misunderstood is the fatigue and lack of ability to concentrate. For me sometimes it can be almost impossible to engage with a lecture in uni and although I want to be there and I want to learn it's like my mind won't connect. Similarly I can find at times that spending time with more than one person can be the most exhausting thing in the world. I think it can often make you appear lazy or like you're not trying when actually you're trying the hardest you possibly could in the circumstances. But unless you've experienced this yourself I suppose it can be difficult to get your head around.

Question Two: Is there something you want to share about your mental health that you haven't done so before (and feel comfortable to)? I know that it's sometimes... cathartic to get something off your chest that you haven't been able to for a while, or that you've wanted to and haven't had the chance to.

Hmm okay, this is a difficult one but I've had a think about it. So often when I'm not feeling well I can struggle great amounts to react to other people's communication (particularly online) in the correct way? Regularly I find myself feeling being upset by people going out and enjoying themselves/having fun/generally being more socially successful than me and it leads to me getting mad at myself for being selfish and self centred because it can genuinely feel like people are doing things just to upset me? (And putting that in writing makes it seem even more ridiculous but what can I say?) Gradually I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's just how I feel when I'm not well and that beating myself down about it and calling myself such things isn't actually helpful? I'm not sure how to stop it but I'm working on a way out atm.

Question Three: I have lost all enjoyment in my passions. How do I stay motivated whilst stuck in my depression?

This is a super difficult question because as I'm sure you're aware, lack of motivation is one of the most common symptoms of depression and so it can be really tough. The only tips I can offer from my experience is to try your hardest not to be too disappointed in yourself if you take a break from the things you enjoy because sometimes it is necessary to do so. It's also worth trying to perhaps engage in one of your hobbies for a short period of time, challenge yourself like "okay I'm going to read for 15 minutes and see how I get on" and set yourself a timer to see what you can achieve. This way you've managed to reach a goal that day even if it is small and you may well find that it'll lift your spirits a bit too! Hope this helps even a tiny bit because it can be really tough.

That's it for my first Question Box session! I really hope you've found reading this helpful and please leave me a comment with your thoughts. Also if you want to leave me a question to answer in the next post you'll find the Question Box here.

Editing Emma by Chloe Seager

Rating:

Published: 10th August 2017

Publisher: HQ

Pages: 368

Synopsis from Goodreads: When sixteen-year-old Emma Nash is ‘ghosted’ by the love of her life Leon Naylor, she does what any normal teenage girl would do…

Emma spends the summer lurking in her bedroom, avoiding all human contact (and the shower), surrounded by the collection of chewit wrappers she saved from packs Leon gave her, back when he actually acknowledged her existence…
But seeing Leon suddenly ‘In a relationship’ on Facebook with the perfect Anna, spurs Emma into action and she embarks on a mission to make positive changes to her life (or ‘edits,’ if you will) and vows to use the internet for more than obsessively stalking Leon’s activities! Instead, she will use it for good and noble causes like finding someone who will actually be nice to her, and recording her findings for the rest of the world to see (i.e. BFF Steph and her mum) on her new Editing Emma blog.
But Emma soon discovers her ‘habit’ is harder to break than she first thought – turns out she’s not the only one ‘editing’ herself online (thank you Tinder for finding her mum’s profile, age 35, really?) and that life through an Instagram filter isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. But it could be worse, she could have outed her best friend, accidentally chatted up a 12 year old boy and revealed to the world why Leon Naylor is worth no girl’s time or virginity… oh no wait, that’s exactly what happened…

Big thanks to HQ and Netgalley for providing me with a digital copy of this book for review!

I was interested in Editing Emma from the start because I had heard it being compared to Louise Rennison's series which I LOVED and which will always be one of my favourite things to read ever- I owe my love of books partially to her, but I'm digressing. Editing Emma was certainly deserving of this comparison! It's narrative which is told mostly through blog posts is very reminiscent of Georgia Nicolson and it also gave the same easy reading, you-could-read-it-in-an-afternoon sort of vibes which is just wonderful.

Emma is a teenager who's determined to become this new version of herself who is more successful when it comes to dating and general life after a guy completely ignores her when they were meant to be a couple. Emma starts a blog to document the changes she's making, it's brutally honest and hides nothing- it's the only YA book I've read that really talks about masturbation and how like that's a thing that girls do too, and in that way it's super important in helping teens to feel like they're not abnormal for doing such a thing. The book perfectly captures what it's like to be a 16 year old girl and it captures a level of relatable honesty that I only rarely see in books, so I loved it!

It occurred to me as I was reading that I am really not much very much like Emma (putting that largely down to her being very sex positive and me being the opposite, but that's cool) and that's the reason I've not given this a full five bees, just because at times I personally couldn't relate. Despite this I did find it really refreshing to read something that really shows what a group of teen girls are like? They're not all perfect and getting in successful relationships from young ages etc and that's just, truthful, I guess!

Overall Editing Emma is a fab book that I would truly recommend to anyone who is missing their Georgia Nicolson hits. It's hilarious, it's honest and it's just all round good fun.

Have you read Editing Emma? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

Mental Health Mondays #10 : Showing emotion?

This week I'm talking about a somewhat mental health related topic, but also something which I think everyone has probably experienced and which occurred to me recently is not something that should be an issue but is, so I'm sticking it into a MHM because I can do what I want 😜

Anyway what I want to say is this... CRYING IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS AND YOU ARE JUST AS STRONG WHETHER YOU CRY OR NOT!!! 

Firstly, I am not someone who cries a lot at all. In many ways I actually find this difficult because I end up looking for other less positive ways to express my upset and emotion. A few weeks ago I was chatting to a friend who'd had a tough day and she was feeling bad because she had, as she told me, cried three times throughout the day. It made me think about how there is NOTHING wrong with crying yet, it's almost like, frowned upon as a sign of weakness? But it's not like you can really stop it at all so now I'm all why, society, WHYYY???

It's not even worth me starting on how much more of an issue this kind of thing is amongst guys and how men crying is seen to be something bad. I just don't get it?! You don't find people apologising and feeling bad for laughing at something that makes them happy so why should it be the opposite for a different emotion?

Mostly this short post had been a way for me to get out my feelings on the matter but I'm also interested to hear what you think about it and whether you agree with me because everyone's different - some people cry at everything, some not at all - but that's not a representation of how strong a person is in character? It's just a difference so why should people feel like they're weak because of such a thing?! It's a healthy reaction!

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts, are you a big crier or are you like me? Do you agree with what I'm saying? And don't forget to leave questions in my question box for me to answer!

Introducing... a new review rating scale

It's been on my mind for some time now that I've been using a simple x/10 rating since I started my blog over a year ago, which has been kind of boring me so now it's time for a change! A cute, yellow, change.

This is just a quick post really to let everyone know that from now on I'll be scoring books etc out of five and including half scores rather than going up to 10,. I shall also now be scoring with BEES!!

I'm super excited as bees are The Best and they're going to brighten up my blog so much so look out for buzzy fellows in future...

They're so cute right!?! I hope you all like bees because if not you should change your opinions because they're super duper important, but that's a long old ramble for a different day! Anyway this has been an announcement, thanks for reading!

Mental Health Mondays #9 : Watch Your Words Part 3

Welcome to Part 3 of my Watch Your Words series, this will be the last post in this series for now but I may well come back to it in the future. As always these are just my thoughts and I'm speaking from experience but everyone is different so don't take what I say as fact.

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This week's phrase is...

"_____ just gave me a panic attack..."

Before I get started on this just let me explain that I'm not trying to say that panic attacks aren't real nor am I suggesting that they can't be triggered by anything in your environment, this is about using the term panic attack to describe something which, quite simply, is not one.

Mental Health Mondays #8 : Watch Your Words Part 2

Check out Part 1 of this series here where I complain about misuse of the term "mental breakdown" and explain a bit more about the idea of this short series of posts. These are my views and as much as I try I may not be 100% accurate in what I say so please bear this in mind when you're reading.

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The phrase this week is:

"OMG _____ is so OCD"

Okay now this is a big one. It's one of those phrases which seems to be so commonly used by so many people and yet it's the worst.

Introducing... Mental Health Monday's Question Box

Welcome to a quick MHM-but-not-on-a-Monday post, introducing and explaining my brand new Question Box. It's nothing too fancy but I'm really hoping that it'll be successful as it will really help me to tailor future posts to make sure I'm chatting about stuff everyone's interested in.

The aim of this Question Box is to give anyone who reads a Mental Health Mondays post the chance to feedback and get a bit of advice or have a question answered which they're too scared to ask publicly.

The Box itself looks like this...

... and the idea is you put in your question and depending on whether or not you leave contact details for me either you'll hear from me or your question will pop up in a future MHM Q&A session which I'm hoping to introduce on a semi-regular basis.

In order for any of this to work however I need you my readers and chums to be bold and just put yo' questions in that box! It can be any question on any mental health related topic, based on your experience, on something you've seen or something I've written - basically whatever you want because it's all important!

By no means am I trying to say that I have all the answers and there are some areas I won't have enough experience of answer myself but I'm willing to try and find others who can help if possible. My aim really is just to emphasise how important it is that we discuss all MH related things and help to destroy peoples' misconceptions.

So this is my shiny new Question Box, please take time to have a think about whether there's anything you'd like to submit as a question and click here to submit it!  I'm nervous about posting this as I'm not sure how successful it will be but I'm hoping that I'll get at least a couple of questions as anything will help me know what to post about in the future!

Thanks for reading, I'm going to be super cheeky and ask that if you agree with what I'm doing and think it's a good idea that perhaps you'll share this post or the link to the question box on your social media to help me get as many responses as possible... ☺️

Mental Health Mondays #7 : Watch Your Words Part 1

This is the first in what will probably be a three part series of posts, each focussing on a commonly used phrase which may be upset those who suffer from mental health issues. Such phrases often add to the negative stigma of mental illness and/or make those who suffer feel invalidated and uncomfortable. As always these are my views and I try and make sure what I say is as well informed as possible but to a certain degree this is my own interpretation from my experience.

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The phrase this week is:

"The other day _____ caused me to have a mental breakdown..."

This is something I have heard very regularly amongst my friends/acquaintances and it appears to be used to basically mean "this person upset me and I cried". So let me explain to you a little thing about what a mental breakdown actually is: mental or nervous breakdown is defined as a period of intense mental distress where you can't function in your normal day to day life; your symptoms are basically so intense (both the mental and physical) that it stops you from being able to continue doing what you were doing. This is not the same as when your bf dumps you and you cry and are generally sad and don't feel up to getting out of bed for the rest of the day because the latter is a perfectly acceptable and understandable response to the given situation whilst a breakdown can (not always but sometimes) be caused by something small or may have no obvious cause at all.

Mental Health Mondays #6 : Development and Progress

After a two week mental health related hiatus Mental Health Monday is back and this week I'm going to share my thoughts on what the words 'development' and 'progress' mean in regards to a mental illness.
As always these are just my thoughts based on my experiences and I don't claim to really know anything other than what goes on in my head so please don't take my words as fact!

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When you've been struggling mental health issues for several years with little break or time where you are almost completely 'symptom free', as I have, it can be incredibly difficult to see that you have made any progress or seen any change in your life in that time. I've seen several people go through mental health related problems and come out of the other side during the time that I've been ill and I'll admit that it can be difficult to watch someone get better while you yourself feel as though you're going nowhere.

TBR - July 2017

I've recently come to the conclusion that I don't appear to be particularly good at ever sticking to the books that I say I'll read in my TBR's. For this reason I'm only going to pick three books which I want to read in the hope that I might achieve more than 50% of them for once! Also it's YALC this month (I'm going for the first time and I'm SO excited!!) so all of these books are being picked because they're on my list of books I need to read before I go.

Truth or Dare by Non Pratt
I bought this at the YA Survival Guide event in June. I need to read it for several reasons mostly because it's got asexual rep in it (for once) and also like the whole flipping it and reading from the back halfway through is really cool.

Waiting for Callback by Perdita and Honor Cargill
This has been on my bookshelf for a while and it sounds like it'll be a really funny and lighthearted read, the kind of thing that you really need in your life sometimes, y'know?! And now seems like an appropriate time for me to read something like that.

No Filter by Orlagh Collins
I was approved for this on NetGalley and it's on my YALC list so I'll be reading this too! It sounds really quite interesting and should be a really good summery read by the sounds of the synopsis.

So this is my shorter-than-usual-but-hopefully-more-successful TBR for July. What are you planning to read? Any of these? Comment because I'm nosey and want to know! Also if you're going to YALC you should also tell me...

The State of Grace by Rachael Lucas

Rating: 8/10
Published: 6th April 2017
Publisher: Macmillan Children's Books
Pages: 272
Synopsis from Goodreads: Sometimes I feel like everyone else was handed a copy of the rules for life and mine got lost.
Grace has Asperger's and her own way of looking at the world. She's got a horse and a best friend who understand her, and that's pretty much all she needs. But when Grace kisses Gabe and things start to change at home, the world doesn't make much sense to her any more.
Suddenly everything threatens to fall apart, and it's up to Grace to fix it on her own.
Whip-smart, hilarious and unapologetically honest, The State of Grace by Rachael Lucas is a heart-warming story of one girl trying to work out where she fits in, and whether she even wants to.


The State of Grace is a really fun and quick read which looks at what it means to 'fit in' through the eyes of Grace, who has Asperger's and sees the world somewhat differently to other people. This is the first book that I've read about someone with an Autism Spectrum Disorder and to read something from a first person perspective was really interesting. It reveals a bit about what life with Asperger's must be like while also making clear that at the end of the day Grace is still just a teenager girl who's trying to learn how to fit in whilst still being herself.

Grace finds herself going through a lot of changes both through the development of her relationship with Gabe and when her mum starts acting like An Idiot™️ while her dad is away for work (Side note: I understood her actions kind of but she just really bugged me a lot, but she was meant to I think). Grace has a lot of stuff going on and the book is all about her trying to muddle through a lot of difficult situations while learning who she is. She is a really well written and complex character who I thoroughly enjoyed getting to know!

The State of Grace also has a beautiful strong female friendship which I am ALWAYS a fan of! Grace's best friend Anna is the friend I always try to be, she's funny and supportive and loves Grace for who she is. Also I loved the relationship between Grace and her horse Mabel! The way that Grace feels loved and understood by her is wonderful and it's just really lovely ahh.

However there were a couple of things with this book that bugged me slightly. I feel like there were a lot of questions that I would have appreciated a more detailed answer too, I can't say exactly for fear of spoilers but one example is this thing that happens with her sister which I feel wasn't fully explained and I personally would have loved to find out how as a family they develop and move forward from it.
The other thing is that some of the relatively major characters I feel didn't receive much description. For example, I don't feel like I really got to know Gabe very much at all, and because Grace is such a complex and beautifully written characters it's such a shame that I don't feel like I got to know the others!
I think this is likely to be due to the short length of the book and personally I would have loved an extra 50 pages to allow for more detailed exploration the other characters are.

I want to make it clear that I really loved The State of Grace and as ASD's need so much more rep than they're currently getting I think it's a super important one to add to your TBR! But I wouldn't be doing my 'job' if I didn't say I thought it was lacking a little something- but the case here is that the extra detail would have made it a 10/10 for me rather than an 8 and I still thought it was amazing - so read it!!

Basically, The State of Grace is a really quick, interesting and beautiful book which gives a bit of an insight into what life with Asperger's may be like and you should definitely add it to your TBR.

Have you read The State of Grace? What were your thoughts on it? Let me know in a comment below!

Mental Health Mondays #5 : "You'll grow out of it..."

So it's my birthday tomorrow and I'm turning 20, which is terrifying because I certainly don't feel big enough to officially be an adult forever! But anyway, this got me thinking about how often when you're demonstrating mental health issues as a teenager people think that it may be a phase or something that you'll grow out of. I don't know whether scientifically there is any evidence for this kind of thing but I suppose the onset of puberty can lead to mood changes etc. and perhaps this is why people think it may be such a temporary thing.

As someone who has now been struggling with chronic mental health issues since I was 16 it seems clear to me that this cannot be a "teenage phase" and I have less than 24 hours left in order to get over it if that is the case!

One of Us Is Lying by Karen M. McManus

Rating: 8/10
Published: 1st June 2017
Publisher: Penguin
Pages: 368
Synopsis from Goodreads: 
Yale hopeful Bronwyn has never publicly broken a rule.
Sports star Cooper only knows what he's doing in the baseball diamond. 
Bad body Nate is one misstep away from a life of crime.
Prom queen Addy is holding together the cracks in her perfect life. And outsider Simon, creator of the notorious gossip app at Bayview High, won't ever talk about any of them again.He dies 24 hours before he could post their deepest secrets online. Investigators conclude it's no accident. All of them are suspects.
Everyone has secrets, right?
What really matters is how far you'll go to protect them.

A big thanks to Penguin Random House and NetGalley for providing me with a digital copy of this book for review.

Warning: I'm going to try and keep this review as spoiler free as possible but it's going to be tricky so tread carefully if you've not yet read it!

Now I like to think of myself as quite a good detective when it comes to murder mystery books, it's very rare that a book actually surprises me with it's plot but One of Us Is Lying did just that and I loved it! I'm also secretly cross with myself because I'm obviously not as good at deductions as I thought I was but we'll move on...

One of Us Is Lying follows the events unfolding after the death of a boy named Simon in a high school detention. The narrative is split between four different characters each with completely different lives but each who has a secret that they're trying to hide. Initially I was worried that I would find it very difficult to get to grips with a narrative split between so many characters but once I got into the storyline it became much clearer who was who and I honestly think successfully writing a book with this many characters is quite an achievement!

It's very difficult for me to write much about my thoughts on the story without posting major spoilers but it was a thoroughly enjoyable read which ticked almost every single box I have for a good book! I really enjoyed the beautiful development shown by all characters, but especially that of Addy who becomes a super strong woman and I'm just really so proud of her!! I mean, there's also some really cute romance and the epilogue made me feel so warm inside and it was wonderful.

There was only one small thing which bugged me and that was the way in which the characters referred to a girl who'd had a suicide attempt and the phrase that was used more than once to describe it (I shan't quote because I don't want to use such a phrase tbh). However, I think this is more a case of something which I find personally upsetting but also something that's a common description and would very likely be used by teens such as those in this book. So it's not like a negative of the book but more a negative of how insensitive people are to mental health issues in real life? I'm not sure if I've put this point across very successfully or not but oh well!

Anyway, One of Us Is Lying is a super fun book with a really good mystery which will keep you guessing (if you figure it out you're much cleverer than me, good job!). It has fab characters and it's just really enjoyable so you should add it to your TBR if you haven't already!

Have you ready One of Us Is Lying? Did you guess 'whodunnit'? If so you should comment so I can bow down to you Sherlock Holmes...

Mental Health Mondays #4 : Some thoughts on Mindfulness

Here's a little personal life update before I jump into this week's post:
In my first MH post "Mental Health and Me" I explained that I was on the waiting list for a Clinical Psychologist. Not long after sharing that post I was finally contacted after months of waiting and I started to get help.
I've now had four appointments and I'll be honest, it's really tough, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by this but talking about my difficulties in this kind of setting is much more difficult than I ever found the previous counselling I received.
Anyway, in my appointment on Thursday we were talking about how I could deal with stuff over the summer as moving 250 miles back home to the middle of nowhere for 3 months could be good or bad, that remains to be seen. My psychologist brought up the concept of mindfulness, suggesting that I might find it helpful. I've been giving it some thought over the past few days and I thought it might be a good idea for me to write this week's post on my thoughts, feelings and what Google can tell me about mindfulness. Basically what you're about to read is me processing what I've been asked to try out and rambling about what I think about it, enjoy...

My initial thoughts:
Okay honesty time, my first thoughts when my psychologist mentioned mindfulness was "oh no" because I've given it a little bit of a try in the past and it's just not been helpful. As far as I know it's meant to help you focus your attention away from the thoughts you're having and stuff but I've found the quiet is anything but helpful doing that. Having said this, I've maybe tried it three times in total over the last three years of battling my mental health difficulties and I appreciate maybe I've not tried it enough to truly say that it doesn't work. Maybe I've just been doing it "wrong" anyway who knows!

What does mindfulness even mean though?
After giving it some thought it dawned on me that I wasn't even sure what mindfulness really was. I know from my degree that it's something which has a growing place in the psychological field but I didn't really know much besides this. My psychologist recommended I try this three minute breathing exercise on YouTube as a starting point and I'll admit I've not yet had a look into it. But is that all there is to it? Just learning to breathe to help you?

Several minutes of aggressive googling later...
Following some research I have reached the conclusion that mindfulness is a state which is achieved by focussing on the present moment, acknowledging and accepting your feelings. The NHS informed me (not personally I mean like, I went on their website) that I can become more mindful by:

• regularly noticing and paying attention to everyday stuff
• trying new things - initial thought is that I have tried a lot of new stuff in the last 3 years and it hasn't helped my mental health in a way I can see anyway, hmm.
• watching your thoughts -interestingly the top quote about this is referring to how some people find it really difficult as the "thoughts and worries crowd in" as soon as they stop, aka me? Does this mean it won't be helpful for me or that I'll just have to get past the initial difficulty?

Mindfulness can be achieved through practices such as mediation or yoga, which I kind of already knew but it's cool to have it confirmed. As well as the breathing exercises etc. that I mentioned earlier

But is it for me?
It's certainly an interesting concept but even after my research I'm just not convinced if it's the sort of thing that will benefit me. I know a lot of people swear by it but I just know how difficult I can find it to shut out my thoughts and I really don't know if doing Yoga is going to help me with that or not?
I suppose I can't really form an opinion until I really try it so perhaps I'll try and commit to some sort of mindfulness practice several times a week for a while to see what happens.
I'm interested in the idea of mindfulness journals which I know are something people use so maybe this is a form of mindfulness I could try out and that I might be more inclined to engage in.
The thing I'm most unsure about regarding mindfulness is whether I'd actually be able to actively get myself to sit down and to do it? Because focussing on my feelings and stuff sounds pretty difficult so I'm not sure how I'd get on with it. But as I say until I try I won't know I suppose!

Perhaps I'll get on with it and give this mindfulness thing a try and give y'all an update on how I get along in a later post, we'll see what happens!

Have you tried mindfulness? Anything I've not mentioned that you think I should know? Let me know in a comment below if you'd like!

TBR - June 2017

Last month I only managed 1 of the 5 books in last month's tbr post (I was also distracted by other books but shh). Now that my exams are over, nothing can stop me and *fingers crossed* I'll be able to read all of the books which I neglected last month too and I now officially have zero things to do.💃

The State of Grace by Rachael Lucas

Honestly I am so excited to read this! I'm very aware that as someone who aims to read diversely I've not yet read a book with a character with an ASD before and I'm just really really looking forward to it!

How Hard Can Love Be? by Holly Bourne

This has been on my shelf for a while and I need to return it to it's owner before the summer holidays (shoutout to Bella for loaning it to me). I don't know why it's taken me so long to get around to it because quite frankly everything by Holly Bourne seems to be amazing as yay!

Juniper Lemon's Happiness Index by Julie Israel

I think this is going to be a really beautiful and important read, I've heard nothing but good things abut it so naturally I can't wait to read it! I'm intrigued by what the storyline will be like from the synopsis but I'm sure this book and I will get along well.

Something in Between by Melissa de la Cruz

Okay I'll be honest I was a big fan of Melissa de la Cruz' Blue Bloods series when I was about 15 and this book (although sounding very very different to vampires!) sounds like it'll be really interesting, I bought it ages ago and I'm excited to finally pick it up!

Carry On by Rainbow Rowell

So I'm very aware that it's pride month this month and so it's essential (as with every month!) that I include at least one LGBT+ book in my tbr! I'm hoping I'll be able to read more than just one but I'm putting Carry On in this post because a) it's been on my list for SO LONG and b) it's the only LGBT+ book that's currently on my bookshelf that I haven't yet had chance to read!

I have high hopes for June being a month of lots of reading! Have you read any of these or are you planning to read any of them this month? Let me know in a comment, I'm nosey and want to know what you're planning to read!

Mental Health Mondays #3 : The Thing with Depression...

Last week I didn't write a post because it was my main week of exams and I was Cramming As Heck but the exams went okay so yippee! This week, honestly I have very little motivation for anything and I can't keep myself focussed on anything for more than about 10 minutes. For this reason, this week I'm going to embark on a depression-related ramble and just see what happens. I'm hoping it will help me clear my head slightly and maybe someone will read it and gain something, who knows!

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm quite an organised individual, I LOVE lists, I love structure and it's for this reason that I function much more successfully in times when I have stuff that I need to be doing.
As I said, exam season has just come to a close for me but the past 3 or so weeks have consisted of almost constant revision, and although it has been spectacularly boring, it's given my days structure and has been a bit of distraction from other things which have been lurking in the back of my mind.

Mental Health Mondays #2 : Things not to say to someone who's struggling

So this is something that should be obvious and yet I (and I'm certain I'm not alone) have several experiences of people 'helping' when they find out I have mental health difficulties. Here's my top 5 of Things Not To Say To A Mentally Distressed Person, along with a few tips on what might be the correct thing instead.

"Just talk to people!"
As someone who experiences social-based anxiety, particularly in group situations, I've heard this a lot but honestly that's the whole point. If I felt able to join in with the convos I would do, but I?? Can't??
Pro tip: if you have a friend who has this problem take the step to introduce them into the conversation so that they don't have to do it themselves, for me it's the first sentence that I feel unable to initiate and it gets easier once I'm involved.

Mental Health Mondays #1 : Self Care with Sar

Disclaimer: These are a few things I've learnt through my journey with mental health issues, please be aware that these are from my experience and they often help me but this doesn't mean that they'll work for everyone as each person is different! Also, by no means am I trying to imply that mental distress can be "fixed" with these methods, only that these things help me to cope with my mood changes.

It's no surprise for me to say that looking after yourself is very important, and when you're struggling with your mental well-being even very basic self care can seem like the hardest thing in the world to do. As someone who frequently experiences very sudden drops in mood and difficult thoughts I've learnt that certain self care practices can really help me to distract myself in these times by doing something positive. Therefore, this post is simply a list of things that I find helpful and which may help you to think about what you can do to help yourself.

Girlhood by Cat Clarke

Rating: 9/10
Published: 4th May 2017
Publisher: Quercus
Pages: 342
Synopsis from Goodreads: 
Real, compulsive and intense: Cat Clarke is the queen of emotional suspense. For fans of Paula Hawkins, Gillian Flynn, Megan Abbott and Jandy Nelson.

Harper has tried to forget the past and fit in at expensive boarding school Duncraggan Academy. Her new group of friends are tight; the kind of girls who Harper knows have her back. But Harper can't escape the guilt of her twin sister's Jenna's death, and her own part in it - and she knows noone else will ever really understand.

But new girl Kirsty seems to get Harper in ways she never expected. She has lost a sister too. Harper finally feels secure. She finally feels...loved. As if she can grow beyond the person she was when Jenna died.

Then Kirsty's behaviour becomes more erratic. Why is her life a perfect mirror of Harper's? And why is she so obsessed with Harper's lost sister? Soon, Harper's closeness with Kirsty begins to threaten her other relationships, and her own sense of identity.

How can Harper get back to the person she wants to be, and to the girls who mean the most to her?

A darkly compulsive story about love, death, and growing up under the shadow of grief

A big thanks to Hachette Children's Group and NetGalley for providing me with a digital copy of this book for review.

Little did I know until I picked up Girlhood three days ago, that my heart was yearning to read a boarding school book. Having loved Mallory Towers when I was younger and secretly wishing I could go there (as I think everyone who read it did!), a book set in a grand old boarding school in Scotland was the perfect fit for me straight away!

Girlhood follows the life of Harper who lost her twin sister to a battle with anorexia, as she struggles with the grief of moving through life without the person who she thought would be by her side for everything. It's a heartbreaking read in that sense because it's something that really does affect a lot of people and doesn't get a great deal of attention in the sensitive way that it should, this book looks at it as well as any book can, in my opinion.

A new girl comes to the school, called Kirsty, she and Harper seem to share a lot of similarities as the discussing having both lost siblings and how they are dealing with grief. Throughout the book it becomes apparent that there is a lot more to Kirsty's story than she's saying and as things gradually come to light (to the reader if not to Harper!) a great sense of mystery arises which meant I was absolutely whizzing through the pages, I needed to know what had happened!

The other thing that I loved about Girlhood is that it features a bisexual main character who is written super duper well and who's validity isn't questioned other than occasionally by other girls who don't quite understand yet (as is the way in real life). There is also a lesbian character too and the bi girl and the gay girl aren't a couple because they're the only non-hetero main characters, they're friends and it's so refreshing to see.

Overall, Girlhood is a brilliantly quick read which deals with a lot of difficult issues in a way that's respectful. Without spilling a lot of spoilers, it demonstrates the value of friendship and the importance of showing kindness towards people even though they may not wholly deserve it. Grief is a horrible thing and certainly a tricky subject to write about but Cat Clarke manages to represent both the differences and similarities between two characters' experiences in a way that is both intense and truthful. I truly enjoyed every page and I'd really recommend that everyone gives it a go.

Let me know what you thought of Girlhood, or recommend me any similar books which come to mind in the comments below.