Mental Health Mondays #14 : What now?

This post is going to be a personal one because I need to process my thoughts surrounding a problem that I'm facing. I'm not quite sure of any other way to do it than to write it here and hope that readers don't find it too boring!

As you may know if you've read any of my previous MHM posts, in May I started seeing a clinical psychologist. This was an appointment which I had been waiting for for seven months so when it finally came around and my psychologist said he would see me regularly I was grateful that all my patience had paid off and I'd finally get some help, after trying almost every other available option.


In the time that I was receiving therapy (of an unknown kind) I had at least one session cancelled without anyone telling me. I'd head to the surgery, turn up and they'd be like "Oh he's not in today" and I'd have to leave feeling like I wasn't worth enough to anyone for them to even consider that it might upset me to be let down without being told. He did later ring me to apologise for what had happened, and that made me feel a little bit better but the whole thing was just a bit awkward really!
I left sessions feeling like I didn't really know what was meant to be happening. I still don't know what my diagnosis is or if I even have one and there are several things that I think we maybe should have been discussing that I didn't know how to bring up?

In my last session before I went home for Summer, I explained how I don't have access to any sort of mental healthcare at home and he took my address and said he'd send stuff off to me by the end of the week which I could work through while I was at home and that may be helpful. But four months later, still no such package has arrived at my home in Suffolk. I'll be honest I am disappointed, I was worried it wouldn't come because he didn't seem to be very reliable in that way from my limited knowledge; I was hopeful that it was just my negative brain and I wasn't being fair but I guess I was right.

As a result of this stuff I find myself in a bit of  predicament. I was asked to get in contact when I got back to uni so that we could meet again and I simply do not know whether I should do that. Part of me is keen to go because I want to know if I have a diagnosis and what it is (also because I'm worried it's not the right one - I'm going to do a post on this sometime too - watch out!). I'm also aware that I've waited a long long time to reach this support and once I graduate I may not be able to get it again. But I also don't want to be let down by a healthcare professional yet again, because every time is just as difficult to deal with as the time before and it's exhausting.

So here I am, left feeling very confused and conflicted. If you've read this and have anything thoughts on what you think I should do then please leave me a comment or DM me on Twitter because I really need some help with this!