Mental Health Mondays #20 : It makes you different...

First off, I apologise for going on hiatus with these posts. Stuff has been weird and kind of difficult and even though I got myself a post schedule for the first time ever I just couldn't write :(
But I've motivated myself for once and today I'm going to share some of my thoughts about how mental health changes you:

Mental Health Mondays #19 : Being taken seriously

If you've been following my posts for a while you'll be aware that I've had a bit of an up and down journey with the mental health services. I've been treated well and badly and then slightly better and then worse again which unsurprisingly has left me somewhat sceptical. For this reason and the recent changes in my situation I wanted to take time this week to let you all know that I'm finally being treated well and it feels very strange but very good!

Within the last month or so I finally got a disability support plan for my degree and, much to my surprise, they didn't tell me I was making a fuss over nothing but actually suggested numerous options which may be of help to me. As a result of this I have finally got support in my department at uni should I have issues, particularly with reaching deadlines, and if I need any assistance!

Mental Health Mondays #18: Romance & MH in Books

So it's Valentine's this week and I thought now was as good a time as any to write a little post on why I find the "romance making individual with mental health issues magically better" trope so frustrating.

Basically I'm just going to go on a little rant...

Mental Health Mondays #17: 2018 reboot

Hey, hi, hello, welcome! In case you hadn't noticed I've not written one of these posts for quite some time due to a wide range of factors (largely exam related). So for the sake of this post I'd appreciate it if everyone could just pretend that I haven't entirely missed out on posting in January! I'd like to take a little time to chat through the kinds of things I'm hoping to do with this feature in 2018, mostly because I need to plan it and I am currently very much lacking in inspiration for where to start with writing MHM's again. Hopefully this will help?!

Anyway here goes with my 2018 Mental Health Mondays aims/plans/goals/whatsits:

Mental Health Mondays #16 : Festive Special 🎄

Welcome to my extra-special festive Mental Health Monday! In this post I want to focus a little bit on Christmas and mental health and what it means to me. As always, this post is based upon my experience and I'm not trying to put forward any views other than my own so please take that into account as you read - Thanks!

'It's the most wonderful time of the year', it's a time for celebrating; spending time with loved ones and generally enjoying yourself. However, it's unfortunately not quite as simple as "It's Christmas lets put all our troubles away and just enjoy ourselves!" for those of us with mental health conditions. There's usually a lot going on, there are lots of responsibilities and expectations on you and as well as being expected to buy loads of presents and wrap things and cook for 99 people, or whatever your Christmas set up is, you're supposed to put on a big smile and be sociable and cheery regardless of anything else that's going on!

Mental Health Mondays #15 : Progress

So firstly I want to sincerely apologise for the severe lack of MHMs in the last few weeks. I don't have an excuse, they just haven't happened. I guess that I temporarily lost motivation and I couldn't for the life of me think of anything at all that I could say that anyone would find of interest. Anyway here we are and now I'm back so, hello!

If you've read the last MHM post What Now? you'll know I've been a pretty confused and conflicted about where I am and what to do but things appear to be looking in my favour at last 😌

Mental Health Mondays #14 : What now?

This post is going to be a personal one because I need to process my thoughts surrounding a problem that I'm facing. I'm not quite sure of any other way to do it than to write it here and hope that readers don't find it too boring!

As you may know if you've read any of my previous MHM posts, in May I started seeing a clinical psychologist. This was an appointment which I had been waiting for for seven months so when it finally came around and my psychologist said he would see me regularly I was grateful that all my patience had paid off and I'd finally get some help, after trying almost every other available option.

Mental Health Mondays #13 : Question Box Two

So my question box is back and I'm still very excited that people have actually asked me things so I'm just going to jump straight in to answering another three of your questions:

I have lost all enjoyment in my passions. How do I stay motivated whilst stuck in my depression?

I struggle with this a lot myself and often it is something that you may have to, unfortunately, just ride out, at least to a certain extent. The only thing I can really suggest is that you possibly try doing whatever your 'passion' is for a short amount of time? Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't but you may find that if you kind of force yourself to do it even for as little as 15 minutes then after that time you'll feel more motivated? You may also find that it just makes you feel absolutely exhausted and you have to be prepared that it could go either way but at least you have managed to achieve something even if it's small, right?! That's what I always try to do anyway 😊

When did you first realise that you had a mental health condition?

I think it was a gradual process of realisation so I'm not entirely sure, but I do remember the first time I told a close friend that I thought I needed some help and that was around February of 2015. At that point I was definitely engaging in a lot of negative behaviours and had been for at least 6 months, so to be honest, looking back I don't see how I didn't realise sooner. After realising that perhaps a lot of my experiences were, shall we say, Not Good, it then gradually occurred to me that there had been factors which were quite possibly mental health related dating back to when I was as young as 12/13 so yeah, it took me a long time to figure out what was going on...

Do you think it's a good idea to tell people you work with if you're taking antidepressants?

I can't give a definitive answer to this because a) I'm not on antidepressants nor am I currently employed b) it would depend greatly on your workplace etc. but I'll give you my general thoughts on this. I think if you work somewhere that it is required for you to disclose any medications you're taking (I'm not entirely sure how often this happens) then you shouldn't lie about it I suppose. But I also believe that you have a right to not disclose such personal information about yourself unless you believe that it will be helpful to you.
Personally I would think that if you're taking them, they're working for you, and both the ADs and your general MH are not having a negative effect on your ability to work then you are certainly 'allowed' not to tell people. However, if you'd feel better for being honest then I guess you can tell people? It depends really on who you are and whether you feel honesty is better or whether you fear people may treat you differently if they know you take antidepressants (which shouldn't be the case but may well be because people are annoying). So basically, do what feels best for you! Taking ADs is nothing to be ashamed of, it's doing what feels the most sensible for your situation that is important.

That's it for this month's question box feature check out last months here and if you have any questions that you'd like me to answer in the next month's post then please follow this link so you can leave your questions (I need more if I'm going to write another post so please ask anything you'd like!). Thanks so much for reading!

Mental Health Mondays #12 : Mental Health and Messenger

This week I just want to write a short post giving you something to think about when talking online to a friend who you know suffers from mental health issues. As always, this is just something that I find difficult and that may well be the case for many others but I can't vouch for it being the same for everyone.

What I want to discuss is how to be sensitive to your friend's wellbeing when you need someone to vent to, specifically through messaging platforms e.g Facebook. I know that it can be really difficult when you've had something happen, you're mega stressed or you just really need your friend's opinion about something not to just jump head first into an online rant at them, but when your friend is something who struggles with mental health issues it's important to try and check in with them before you do so. A simple "Is it alright if I chat to you about something?" or a "How are you, I need your thoughts :)" is sufficient enough to give them a chance to say "I'm really sorry I don't feel good I'm not sure I can be much help right now." because regardless of how bad your day has been you don't want to make your friend feel more unwell without realising it - right?

Personally, it's not that I don't want to help out my friends, but on numerous occasions I've been struggling hugely with my own thoughts etc and then had people offload on me without even a real hello and it make things really difficult. Also, not only is it difficult for the individual who is receiving the message but chances are they won't be able to really reply and help you out that much either if they aren't in a good state of mind so it isn't that beneficial for either party!

In my opinion, this is a really easy thing to change to ensure that you're looking after your friend and showing them you value them and that it's important to you that they're comfortable with the conversations you have.

The other thing that you may want to consider is the time of your message, I for one have times which I determine "not good" mostly anytime after midnight and before about 5am. Some people may not have the same nighttime triggers that I do but it's worth checking that if you know your friend isn't a night person (or indeed if there is a different time the aren't good with) that you don't dump stuff on them when you know they're about to sleep, or if you really need to chat just apologise to them beforehand and let them know that is is okay if they can't talk right now.

I know that these two things won't be applicable to every single situation and there will be times that the conversation just can't wait, for your sake or your friend's, but it is definitely worth considering next time you find yourself worked up and looking to turn to someone for guidance.

Do you agree with what I've said? Or do you think I'm being too selfish and we should just grin and bear it for our friends? I want to know so leave me a comment!

Mental Health Mondays #11 : Question Box One

I'm very excited to write this post as it's the first one using questions from my online question box! Thank you to everyone who has submitted something, if your question isn't answered as one of the three I'm choosing for this week it'll more than likely be in next month's post as I'm hoping to use the first Monday of the month for this purpose (depending on the number of submissions I receive).

Question One: What do you find is the worst symptom of depression for you personally? Or alternatively, the most misunderstood?

In terms of the worst symptom I'd have to say that it varies depending on the episode for me as sometimes some things are worse to deal with than others. But one that frustrates me and I think can often be misunderstood is the fatigue and lack of ability to concentrate. For me sometimes it can be almost impossible to engage with a lecture in uni and although I want to be there and I want to learn it's like my mind won't connect. Similarly I can find at times that spending time with more than one person can be the most exhausting thing in the world. I think it can often make you appear lazy or like you're not trying when actually you're trying the hardest you possibly could in the circumstances. But unless you've experienced this yourself I suppose it can be difficult to get your head around.

Question Two: Is there something you want to share about your mental health that you haven't done so before (and feel comfortable to)? I know that it's sometimes... cathartic to get something off your chest that you haven't been able to for a while, or that you've wanted to and haven't had the chance to.

Hmm okay, this is a difficult one but I've had a think about it. So often when I'm not feeling well I can struggle great amounts to react to other people's communication (particularly online) in the correct way? Regularly I find myself feeling being upset by people going out and enjoying themselves/having fun/generally being more socially successful than me and it leads to me getting mad at myself for being selfish and self centred because it can genuinely feel like people are doing things just to upset me? (And putting that in writing makes it seem even more ridiculous but what can I say?) Gradually I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's just how I feel when I'm not well and that beating myself down about it and calling myself such things isn't actually helpful? I'm not sure how to stop it but I'm working on a way out atm.

Question Three: I have lost all enjoyment in my passions. How do I stay motivated whilst stuck in my depression?

This is a super difficult question because as I'm sure you're aware, lack of motivation is one of the most common symptoms of depression and so it can be really tough. The only tips I can offer from my experience is to try your hardest not to be too disappointed in yourself if you take a break from the things you enjoy because sometimes it is necessary to do so. It's also worth trying to perhaps engage in one of your hobbies for a short period of time, challenge yourself like "okay I'm going to read for 15 minutes and see how I get on" and set yourself a timer to see what you can achieve. This way you've managed to reach a goal that day even if it is small and you may well find that it'll lift your spirits a bit too! Hope this helps even a tiny bit because it can be really tough.

That's it for my first Question Box session! I really hope you've found reading this helpful and please leave me a comment with your thoughts. Also if you want to leave me a question to answer in the next post you'll find the Question Box here.

Mental Health Mondays #10 : Showing emotion?

This week I'm talking about a somewhat mental health related topic, but also something which I think everyone has probably experienced and which occurred to me recently is not something that should be an issue but is, so I'm sticking it into a MHM because I can do what I want 😜

Anyway what I want to say is this... CRYING IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS AND YOU ARE JUST AS STRONG WHETHER YOU CRY OR NOT!!! 

Firstly, I am not someone who cries a lot at all. In many ways I actually find this difficult because I end up looking for other less positive ways to express my upset and emotion. A few weeks ago I was chatting to a friend who'd had a tough day and she was feeling bad because she had, as she told me, cried three times throughout the day. It made me think about how there is NOTHING wrong with crying yet, it's almost like, frowned upon as a sign of weakness? But it's not like you can really stop it at all so now I'm all why, society, WHYYY???

It's not even worth me starting on how much more of an issue this kind of thing is amongst guys and how men crying is seen to be something bad. I just don't get it?! You don't find people apologising and feeling bad for laughing at something that makes them happy so why should it be the opposite for a different emotion?

Mostly this short post had been a way for me to get out my feelings on the matter but I'm also interested to hear what you think about it and whether you agree with me because everyone's different - some people cry at everything, some not at all - but that's not a representation of how strong a person is in character? It's just a difference so why should people feel like they're weak because of such a thing?! It's a healthy reaction!

Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts, are you a big crier or are you like me? Do you agree with what I'm saying? And don't forget to leave questions in my question box for me to answer!

Mental Health Mondays #9 : Watch Your Words Part 3

Welcome to Part 3 of my Watch Your Words series, this will be the last post in this series for now but I may well come back to it in the future. As always these are just my thoughts and I'm speaking from experience but everyone is different so don't take what I say as fact.

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This week's phrase is...

"_____ just gave me a panic attack..."

Before I get started on this just let me explain that I'm not trying to say that panic attacks aren't real nor am I suggesting that they can't be triggered by anything in your environment, this is about using the term panic attack to describe something which, quite simply, is not one.

Mental Health Mondays #8 : Watch Your Words Part 2

Check out Part 1 of this series here where I complain about misuse of the term "mental breakdown" and explain a bit more about the idea of this short series of posts. These are my views and as much as I try I may not be 100% accurate in what I say so please bear this in mind when you're reading.

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The phrase this week is:

"OMG _____ is so OCD"

Okay now this is a big one. It's one of those phrases which seems to be so commonly used by so many people and yet it's the worst.

Introducing... Mental Health Monday's Question Box

Welcome to a quick MHM-but-not-on-a-Monday post, introducing and explaining my brand new Question Box. It's nothing too fancy but I'm really hoping that it'll be successful as it will really help me to tailor future posts to make sure I'm chatting about stuff everyone's interested in.

The aim of this Question Box is to give anyone who reads a Mental Health Mondays post the chance to feedback and get a bit of advice or have a question answered which they're too scared to ask publicly.

The Box itself looks like this...

... and the idea is you put in your question and depending on whether or not you leave contact details for me either you'll hear from me or your question will pop up in a future MHM Q&A session which I'm hoping to introduce on a semi-regular basis.

In order for any of this to work however I need you my readers and chums to be bold and just put yo' questions in that box! It can be any question on any mental health related topic, based on your experience, on something you've seen or something I've written - basically whatever you want because it's all important!

By no means am I trying to say that I have all the answers and there are some areas I won't have enough experience of answer myself but I'm willing to try and find others who can help if possible. My aim really is just to emphasise how important it is that we discuss all MH related things and help to destroy peoples' misconceptions.

So this is my shiny new Question Box, please take time to have a think about whether there's anything you'd like to submit as a question and click here to submit it!  I'm nervous about posting this as I'm not sure how successful it will be but I'm hoping that I'll get at least a couple of questions as anything will help me know what to post about in the future!

Thanks for reading, I'm going to be super cheeky and ask that if you agree with what I'm doing and think it's a good idea that perhaps you'll share this post or the link to the question box on your social media to help me get as many responses as possible... ☺️

Mental Health Mondays #7 : Watch Your Words Part 1

This is the first in what will probably be a three part series of posts, each focussing on a commonly used phrase which may be upset those who suffer from mental health issues. Such phrases often add to the negative stigma of mental illness and/or make those who suffer feel invalidated and uncomfortable. As always these are my views and I try and make sure what I say is as well informed as possible but to a certain degree this is my own interpretation from my experience.

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The phrase this week is:

"The other day _____ caused me to have a mental breakdown..."

This is something I have heard very regularly amongst my friends/acquaintances and it appears to be used to basically mean "this person upset me and I cried". So let me explain to you a little thing about what a mental breakdown actually is: mental or nervous breakdown is defined as a period of intense mental distress where you can't function in your normal day to day life; your symptoms are basically so intense (both the mental and physical) that it stops you from being able to continue doing what you were doing. This is not the same as when your bf dumps you and you cry and are generally sad and don't feel up to getting out of bed for the rest of the day because the latter is a perfectly acceptable and understandable response to the given situation whilst a breakdown can (not always but sometimes) be caused by something small or may have no obvious cause at all.

Mental Health Mondays #6 : Development and Progress

After a two week mental health related hiatus Mental Health Monday is back and this week I'm going to share my thoughts on what the words 'development' and 'progress' mean in regards to a mental illness.
As always these are just my thoughts based on my experiences and I don't claim to really know anything other than what goes on in my head so please don't take my words as fact!

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When you've been struggling mental health issues for several years with little break or time where you are almost completely 'symptom free', as I have, it can be incredibly difficult to see that you have made any progress or seen any change in your life in that time. I've seen several people go through mental health related problems and come out of the other side during the time that I've been ill and I'll admit that it can be difficult to watch someone get better while you yourself feel as though you're going nowhere.

Mental Health Mondays #5 : "You'll grow out of it..."

So it's my birthday tomorrow and I'm turning 20, which is terrifying because I certainly don't feel big enough to officially be an adult forever! But anyway, this got me thinking about how often when you're demonstrating mental health issues as a teenager people think that it may be a phase or something that you'll grow out of. I don't know whether scientifically there is any evidence for this kind of thing but I suppose the onset of puberty can lead to mood changes etc. and perhaps this is why people think it may be such a temporary thing.

As someone who has now been struggling with chronic mental health issues since I was 16 it seems clear to me that this cannot be a "teenage phase" and I have less than 24 hours left in order to get over it if that is the case!

Mental Health Mondays #4 : Some thoughts on Mindfulness

Here's a little personal life update before I jump into this week's post:
In my first MH post "Mental Health and Me" I explained that I was on the waiting list for a Clinical Psychologist. Not long after sharing that post I was finally contacted after months of waiting and I started to get help.
I've now had four appointments and I'll be honest, it's really tough, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by this but talking about my difficulties in this kind of setting is much more difficult than I ever found the previous counselling I received.
Anyway, in my appointment on Thursday we were talking about how I could deal with stuff over the summer as moving 250 miles back home to the middle of nowhere for 3 months could be good or bad, that remains to be seen. My psychologist brought up the concept of mindfulness, suggesting that I might find it helpful. I've been giving it some thought over the past few days and I thought it might be a good idea for me to write this week's post on my thoughts, feelings and what Google can tell me about mindfulness. Basically what you're about to read is me processing what I've been asked to try out and rambling about what I think about it, enjoy...

My initial thoughts:
Okay honesty time, my first thoughts when my psychologist mentioned mindfulness was "oh no" because I've given it a little bit of a try in the past and it's just not been helpful. As far as I know it's meant to help you focus your attention away from the thoughts you're having and stuff but I've found the quiet is anything but helpful doing that. Having said this, I've maybe tried it three times in total over the last three years of battling my mental health difficulties and I appreciate maybe I've not tried it enough to truly say that it doesn't work. Maybe I've just been doing it "wrong" anyway who knows!

What does mindfulness even mean though?
After giving it some thought it dawned on me that I wasn't even sure what mindfulness really was. I know from my degree that it's something which has a growing place in the psychological field but I didn't really know much besides this. My psychologist recommended I try this three minute breathing exercise on YouTube as a starting point and I'll admit I've not yet had a look into it. But is that all there is to it? Just learning to breathe to help you?

Several minutes of aggressive googling later...
Following some research I have reached the conclusion that mindfulness is a state which is achieved by focussing on the present moment, acknowledging and accepting your feelings. The NHS informed me (not personally I mean like, I went on their website) that I can become more mindful by:

• regularly noticing and paying attention to everyday stuff
• trying new things - initial thought is that I have tried a lot of new stuff in the last 3 years and it hasn't helped my mental health in a way I can see anyway, hmm.
• watching your thoughts -interestingly the top quote about this is referring to how some people find it really difficult as the "thoughts and worries crowd in" as soon as they stop, aka me? Does this mean it won't be helpful for me or that I'll just have to get past the initial difficulty?

Mindfulness can be achieved through practices such as mediation or yoga, which I kind of already knew but it's cool to have it confirmed. As well as the breathing exercises etc. that I mentioned earlier

But is it for me?
It's certainly an interesting concept but even after my research I'm just not convinced if it's the sort of thing that will benefit me. I know a lot of people swear by it but I just know how difficult I can find it to shut out my thoughts and I really don't know if doing Yoga is going to help me with that or not?
I suppose I can't really form an opinion until I really try it so perhaps I'll try and commit to some sort of mindfulness practice several times a week for a while to see what happens.
I'm interested in the idea of mindfulness journals which I know are something people use so maybe this is a form of mindfulness I could try out and that I might be more inclined to engage in.
The thing I'm most unsure about regarding mindfulness is whether I'd actually be able to actively get myself to sit down and to do it? Because focussing on my feelings and stuff sounds pretty difficult so I'm not sure how I'd get on with it. But as I say until I try I won't know I suppose!

Perhaps I'll get on with it and give this mindfulness thing a try and give y'all an update on how I get along in a later post, we'll see what happens!

Have you tried mindfulness? Anything I've not mentioned that you think I should know? Let me know in a comment below if you'd like!

Mental Health Mondays #3 : The Thing with Depression...

Last week I didn't write a post because it was my main week of exams and I was Cramming As Heck but the exams went okay so yippee! This week, honestly I have very little motivation for anything and I can't keep myself focussed on anything for more than about 10 minutes. For this reason, this week I'm going to embark on a depression-related ramble and just see what happens. I'm hoping it will help me clear my head slightly and maybe someone will read it and gain something, who knows!

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I'm quite an organised individual, I LOVE lists, I love structure and it's for this reason that I function much more successfully in times when I have stuff that I need to be doing.
As I said, exam season has just come to a close for me but the past 3 or so weeks have consisted of almost constant revision, and although it has been spectacularly boring, it's given my days structure and has been a bit of distraction from other things which have been lurking in the back of my mind.

Mental Health Mondays #2 : Things not to say to someone who's struggling

So this is something that should be obvious and yet I (and I'm certain I'm not alone) have several experiences of people 'helping' when they find out I have mental health difficulties. Here's my top 5 of Things Not To Say To A Mentally Distressed Person, along with a few tips on what might be the correct thing instead.

"Just talk to people!"
As someone who experiences social-based anxiety, particularly in group situations, I've heard this a lot but honestly that's the whole point. If I felt able to join in with the convos I would do, but I?? Can't??
Pro tip: if you have a friend who has this problem take the step to introduce them into the conversation so that they don't have to do it themselves, for me it's the first sentence that I feel unable to initiate and it gets easier once I'm involved.